Very expensive clothes may not be the answer either even if they have an illustrious designer’s name emblazoned on the label. High prices and famous names are not necessarily a guarantee of good design and where clothes are concerned more often than not, unless the clothes are made from expensive fabrics like cashmere or silk, designer label clothes are mostly designed with the money-spending twenty-five to thirty-five age group in mind.

The answer lies in looking for quality of make, fabric and design. Window-shop first. Look around. See what is available in the major stores and quality establishments before making your selection. Go for quality allied to style and this way the clothes you choose should be good fashion, look good, flatter and, a nice point, last a long time. Good quality shows and goes only slowly out of fashion.

If you were known in your earlier years as something of a snappy dresser there is nothing wrong in being one still in your forties. The difference now is that you are not setting trends for the young set but for your contemporaries. (No matter how you think of yourself, to the young set you are just about middle-aged. So ignore the way they dress.)

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Alcohol in moderation is acceptable but during M-M a man can easily go overboard and become dependent on it for its relaxing effects, finding he can only go about life if he is supported by vodka and other spirits.

In Britain social drinking is generally considered as about five measures of spirits, wine or beer each day. In this context the official British measurement establishes that У2 pint of beer, 1 glass of wine, 1 glass of sherry and 1 tot of spirits each equals 1 unit of alcohol. More than five drinks a day and not only do you run the risk of alcohol dependence but also the risk of damaging your liver and probably incurring problems at home and at work. A man with a blotchy complexion, impeded speech, erratic action and poor memory is an example of a man who drinks.

For anyone trying to diet, alcohol can be a particular enemy. Not only is it high in unnecessary calories but it also undermines willpower. An alcoholic will lose his appetite but for most men the more they drink the more they can eat of carbohydrates and fatty foods.

To survive, go carefully with drink and try to have regular days when you drink little or nothing at all.

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Redundancy from work is also a shattering blow for a man around his forties, the experience of losing his job hard to bear. At this age he sees the loss as a personal accusation or criticism of his work ability and knows there are few opportunities open to him for re-employment. With a death knell ringing over his work potential, sexlife hardly matters.

If a man is what is termed by many therapists as ’sex-lazy’ his sexlife can tail off permanently.

Many men whose libidos are low are often considered sex-lazy too. They see sex as a burden they can well do without. For them sex is the occasional and rare performance they feel they have to give as a token of the physical proof they know their partners expect of them or, if they come from a religious background, simply as an activity to be enjoyed exclusively as a means to further procreation. Perhaps through either ignorance or lack of adventure for these men sex is not quite what they thought it would be so never do they feel a particular urge rising in them anyway. Perhaps their partners are sex-lazy too and delighted in their man’s disinterest. In no time our sex-lazy man can retire from sex altogether, a retirement he looks forward to. The less he practises, the less likely he is to become sexually stimulated or active ever again.

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That is, getting up at night to pass water. Night-rising is one of the early warning signs of prostate problems so when a man becomes aware of just how often he is jumping out of bed at night to pass water he can, understandably, become alarmed. But most menopausal men need not worry. Unless he has caught an infection he is unlikely to be affected. Prostate problems if they do occur, affect men from their late fifties onwards.

The need to pass water once or more times at night comes simply from drinking too much late in the evening or last thing at night as a nightcap. Alcohol, tea or coffee. At M-M time most men increase their alcohol consumption in the evenings, especially wine. It is therapeutic, relaxing and makes them feel good. However, wine, like tea, has diuretic qualities which means it stimulates the production of urine and hence the need to urinate. It also causes dehydration because the body urinates more liquid than it takes in so thirst rages to make up for the loss. The answer is to control the amount you drink at night or adjust to the fact that night-rising is now part of life’s pattern.

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Confiding in a friend may be no more successful. He will probably point out how much better your life is than his and while baring the soul your anxieties, because they are impossible to explain logically, sound weak, unmasculine and silly. A man has to be very secure in his friendships to confide at such a time.

Talking to a doctor can be most help but he too will probably suggest you must pull yourself together and point out the innumerable advantages of your life. He may explain the symptoms of M-M and prescribe the short term solutions, tranquillizers and sleeping pills. He may recommend a psychiatrist if the depression is severe.

Of course everyone’s values change with the passage of time so at forty you no longer crave the same things you wanted at twenty. What seemed vital in terms of money, position, promotion and security still matters but the emphasis has changed, you may not want so much. It can seem that old values and new ones have little in common.

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